Deep Water (2022)

“A well-to-do husband who allows his wife to have affairs in order to avoid a divorce becomes a prime suspect in the disappearance of her lovers.” -IMDB

Deep Water (2022)

Wow, I mean wow. If I could have thrown tomatoes at my screen during the course of this movie, I would have. Fortunately, since I would have been the one to clean them up, I was out of tomatoes and, instead, resorted to shouting obscenities at the screen instead…OOF! Let me clarify…

Deep Water follows a couple (whose names I should probably know but don’t remember because I was so distracted by the absurdity of the plot) who are in an open marriage. That’s as simple as I can break it down. Now, are they really in an open marriage? No! The wife is a sex-crazed, immature, reckless, emotionally-barren woman who cheats on her awkward, immature, reckless, emotionally-barren husband. There are no boundaries set within the context of this “open marriage” and the wife’s lovers are introduced to not only her husband, but also to their YOUNG CHILD within days of beginning their affairs.

Honestly, where do I even start with this movie? Maybe it will be easier if I list out my grievances. Here we go:

-It plays into antiquated, even ancient, stereotypes of men and women. Women as sex-obsessed sirens capable of luring men into all types of woes through their sexual prowess. Men as near-Neanderthal-type beings incapable of controlling their violent impulses, particularly when it comes to lust and revenge. And, unsurprisingly, neither partner is capable of breaking loose from this two-dimensional cycle.

-There was no thrill or suspense. If a story is going to revolve around murder(s), then I want to be left in suspense by either not knowing who the killer is or not fully understanding their mode, means, or motives until the second half of the film. We know who the killer is from the get go, we know how and we know why he does what he does. And honestly, even the how and the why are BORING AF!

-The plot is absolutely ludicrous and the characters are in equal measure boring and detestable. Character development does not exist in this la la land, as the characters don’t even have jobs, don’t appear to be good at anything they attempt to do (including murder), and seemingly don’t face any consequences (WHERE THE HELL ARE THE POLICE?!)!

I’m exhausted just replying it in my head!

The only redeeming qualities in this movie are that (1) the scenery is pretty to look at; (2) the people are pretty to look at; and, (3) I was fully guffawing by the end of the movie because of how insane and idiotic it was. Honestly, if you just need a good, old-fashioned hate-watch, then this is the film for you!

Rating: 3 out 10 Claire Bears

🐻🐻🐻

If you like this movie, you should also watch: Shattered, The Weekend Away

Streaming: Hulu

With: Ben Affleck, Ana de Armas

Directed By: Adrian Lyme

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