“Based on Disneyland’s theme park ride where a small riverboat takes a group of travelers through a jungle filled with dangerous animals and reptiles but with a supernatural element.” -IMDB
I wasn’t really expecting much from Jungle Cruise and I didn’t get much from Jungle Cruise. So hey, I can’t be too upset right? Let me clarify…
While Disney can still come out with some stellar content, it does seem to be taking the easy way out when it comes to, let’s say, over 50% of its output in the past decade. Between remakes, superheroes, and movies based on rides, originality is not at the forefront of the Disney brand recently. But at least you tend to know what you’re getting with a movie like Jungle Cruise. A cast full of such mega-watt stars, they are meant to blind you from the lackluster storyline.
The lackluster storyline, in question, took its outline from Pirates of the Caribbean and then snorted some coke and went to town. I think there was something about a petal that cures illness, some non-dead conquistador, the son of Kaiser Wilhelm, an awkward coming out moment that felt like Disney’s attempt at allyship many years too late, then using that same character for a litany of gay jokes just minutes later (among a litany of uncomfortably sexual dick jokes for a Disney movie). Honestly, I couldn’t really tell you the story in detail, I kept zoning out for minutes upon minutes at a time, so much so that the 2 hour, 7 minute run time felt quiiiite a bit longer than that.
So, if you’re interested in seeing Jungle Cruise, I would say go for it but for the love of god, temper your expectations. Protect yourself young padawan!
Rating: 5 out of 10 Claire Bears
If you like this movie, you should also watch: Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, Jumanji, The Mummy, Indiana Jones
Streaming: Available in theaters or to purchase on Disney+
With: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Emily Blunt, Jack Whitehall
Directed By: Jaume Collet-Serra